It's time to grow up.

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Have you ever heard that song, I think its buy the temptations, that goes, "your so vain,you probably think this song is about you, dont you. Sometimes people think about themselves so much because they are vain or selfish, that they really believe in there hearts that everyone is alwasy talking about them. Retorically speaking, If i wanted to intententionally talk about someone to hurt them, I would do it to there face, not behind there back in some silly little blog. Even as your raeding this now, your probablly asuming that Im talking about you. I could be, or I could be talking about how I feel towards my buddy aaron, who after my mother passed, just completely removed me from his exsistance.

He didn't even come to the funeral.

But some people dont take anything like that into considerartion. They only think I sit around all day talking about them. Plotting on the next maliscious blog post or nasty song I want the world to here next. But the truth is, I am hurt, and I am angry, but I still really care about you. If i hated you, I wouldnt even take the effort to write the damn entrys in the first place. I dont think you really deserve an aoplogy, since in all fairness, YOU found the blog, YOU chose to read it, AND you never called me to talk about it. I NEVER sent it to you, and I NEVER intentionally tried to make you read it. YOU decided one day that it would be nice to spy on me and read things about you, and of course you would get offended. But grown up.

People talk shit about me all the time. always. as far back as kindergarten. and you know what I did about it? nothing. who fucking cares. I DONT sit around my house all day searching people on the internet to see if they are talking about me. If I wanted to know how somone was doing, I would grow some nuts, pick up a fucking phone, and give them a call. MYSELF, not my slave. not stalk them online. but hey, thats just me.

You probably stopped reading right there. But there's more you should consider. It is too late to turn back now. human beings and this goes for everybody, never really understand what they have untill its gone forever. I know I sometimes took my mother for granted, never thinking she would die before she could hold her granddaughter or grandson in her arms. But its to late to mend anything i had with her. Luckily she died knowing that she loved me, and any petty differences we had were forgiven. And since we had a small family, I'M ALL THATS LEFT. If you cut me out, you cut out all ties of exsistance of my mother all together. For your own sake, dont do that.

Here's my fake half- assed apology I dont need to give anyone. Im sorry If you were hurt by the actual, factual, true things mentiond in my blog. I do apologize that you have too much time on your hands and you would rather stalk this blog then call me to iron things out. And let me make a few things crystal clear so there is no need for any confusion.

1. I NEVER check my email. but I do have a phone. In fact, I have two. between cell phone and hose phone, I pay over 100 bucks a month, so make my money work and call me if you have something to say. I promise If im home or i hear the phone I will pick it up. I am not ignoring you I swear.

2. Nobody, not an aunt, not a cousin, not my mother, no body ever made me feel a certain way about any certain person. I f i was pissed at you which I admit that I am, Its 100% because of things that I see WITH MY OWN EYE BALLS. i am that savy to notice when people do things. I see when people act cheap, or when people act selfish. I dont need an aunt to tell me that.

3. And last but not least, and I hope you made it this far, i do love you. Not in the same way as I did, but I still love all of you and care about you. You mean enough to me that I would still care to write this. true, its not the same love i used to feel. but thats your own doing. It can be earned back, some people have lost my trust though. those people will NEVER get that back. Whoever ratted me out, and you know who you are... you will NEVER get my trust, and since i cant be sure who you are, I trust very few people. But the important thing is I do love you, and If you apoloigized, I probably would forgive you if you meant it. I would probably piss my pants too, but hey miricles do happen.

which is a fiiting ending. on passover mosses parted the ocean. It would mean the world to me if we could all part the oceans in our hearts and come together at ONE FUCKING HOUSE for passover. my mom is looking down from heaven thinking, look at my meshugina family. u know she would have wanted better. Ill be waiting by the phone if you didnt forget my number.